February 25, 2025
Final week, I posted concerning the sacredness of intercourse.
So this week, I’m impressed to proceed with the subject of intercourse, particularly, the potential cheapening of it.
Should you’re a lady studying this, particularly should you’re a married or soon-to-be-married lady, it’s possible you’ll not wish to tune out. It’s necessary to know what goes via a man’s mind if he occurs to be doing the vast majority of his considering with that particular organ, which you’ll quickly discover out just isn’t essentially the case.
Should you’re a man, then positively hold studying. It may prevent a whole lot of hassle sooner or later.
Intercourse & The Touring Businessman
Right here’s the factor: I journey a LOT for work.
Whether or not educating vitamin at a yoga clinic in South America, blasting onto a stage in a packed Vegas convention room, or (as is the case whereas I’m scripting this) visiting 9 cities in twelve days throughout India for entrepreneur well being teaching, one of many main methods I deliver dwelling the bacon to feed my household is by spending loads of time in airplanes and resort rooms.
For a lot of that journey, I’m 100% solo. 
Which means I’m a married man touring alone—with no spouse, no wingman, and almost nonexistent accountability—whereas additionally, resulting from my standing as a public determine perceived as wholesome, highly effective, and influential, often encountering a plethora of engaging, aggressive ladies who make their intentions clear, whether or not via Instagram booty calls, not-so-subtle touches, or outright propositions to “get in my pants,” so to talk. And that’s not even contemplating the infinite entry to pornography on my tv and smartphone, accessible anytime with out the necessity to sneak away or disguise. In any case, as I discussed, I’m normally alone.
As you’ll be able to think about, fixed sexual temptation is one thing I’ve needed to be taught to cope with gracefully and virtuously, particularly by conserving my pants on and my tongue in my very own mouth.
Admittedly, there was a time once I didn’t do a great job coping with all of it. The flattery, the short-term pleasure, and the justifications to myself {that a} one-night stand isn’t actually an emotionally hooked up or a long-term relationship left me coming dwelling a number of occasions to my household having been sexually untrue and having to cover my very own lack of ethical excellence for worry of being shamed.
It’s concerning the worst feeling on the earth to take your spouse out on a date after a bout of journey escapades and attempt to shut down the psychological scream inside your head that you simply’ve cheated on the harmless and trusting life companion sitting throughout from you. It’s additionally shattering, as a hypocritical father, to lecture your sons about faithfulness whereas imagining them rising as much as be identical to you—violating their relationship with their very own wives and households. It’s necessary to notice that the few seconds of delight derived from a short-term hookup are by no means, ever, ever value it. You principally hate your self afterward. It’s horrible, and it’s by no means fulfilling. Ever.
Contemplating this can be a large downside that tears households aside, destroys legacy, and implodes dwelling life, it’s one thing that it’s good to deeply care about should you’re a married man or future married man studying this, particularly should you journey usually like I do. I believe I can’t be the one married man on the market who has to navigate this path.
However, should you’re nonetheless studying at this level, you most likely already know that the traditional infidelity of the touring businessman is a giant downside.
Whereas it’s definitely necessary to know the chaos that unfaithfulness, whether or not in analog or digital type, wreaks upon your closest, dearest relationships, it’s simply as necessary to know what precisely to do about it.
So, that’s what I’m going to share now: seven sensible ideas, from the trenches, on how I’ve—by the grace of God—developed a thick-skinned resilience to sexual immorality, how I’ve remodeled my relationship with my spouse via over a decade of devoted faithfulness, and how one can too.
1. Pray
God doesn’t need you to cheat.
Whereas Romans 5:3-5 says that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character, this doesn’t imply God is haphazardly tossing temptations your means with no means of escape, all whereas rubbing His fingers collectively and ready so that you can succumb to inevitable demise. The Bible says that God is not going to tempt you past your means and that He will present a means out of temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you besides what’s widespread to mankind. And God is trustworthy; he is not going to allow you to be tempted past what you’ll be able to bear.”
Moreover, Matthew 26:41 says, “Watch and pray that you could be not enter into temptation. The spirit certainly is prepared, however the flesh is weak”
It’s painfully apparent, isn’t it? Remember and pray when temptation is coming at you.
That is simpler stated than achieved. You may’t precisely drop to your knees at a cocktail social gathering when a stunning lady in a slinky, brief skirt is stroking your arm—telling you together with her lips how a lot she admires what you’ve completed whereas telling you together with her eyes that she’d like to perform one thing for you herself.
I’ll inform you precisely what works for me in a state of affairs like this: I excuse myself to a nook of the bar, duck behind a curtain, or slip into a toilet stall and say one easy prayer that simply works. It’s known as “the Jesus prayer.”
“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
This works like magic. You may virtually really feel the sexual demons slipping away once you say it. Jesus understands. He’s been there. Hebrews 4:15 says, “He was tempted in each means that we’re, however he didn’t sin.”
And positive, it’s best to keep a relentless state of prayer that goes deeper than only a single sentence. However once you’re in a pinch—your lust accelerating to full pace, your physique betraying you, and also you want a determined name for Christ who strengthens you—that is the prayer to have memorized. I exploit it usually.
2. Empathize
Anytime I’m tempted to ask a lady into my resort room or pull up porn on my laptop computer, I think about how I’d really feel if I walked in on my spouse doing the identical factor. Put your self in her footwear.
The subsequent time you’re feeling like masturbating to porn, ask your self how you’d really feel should you walked in on her within the bed room pleasuring herself to some random dude on the display of her smartphone along with his pants pulled down.
Or let’s say a lady on the resort bar, or possibly two, asks what you’re as much as later and what your room quantity is. Positive, this feels like a improbable time, however how would you’re feeling should you received dwelling and walked in in your spouse with one man beneath her and one other behind her?
I throw up in my mouth simply enthusiastic about a dude or two banging my spouse. So how is it any totally different for me to entertain the thought of doing the identical factor with ladies?
It doesn’t need to be as excessive as that. For instance, must you need your spouse speaking to an alpha male at a convention afterparty the identical means you’re standing in actually, actually shut proximity to that lady batting her eyes at you? Would you need your spouse getting a rub-down from a heartthrob male therapeutic massage therapist? Would you need her giving aspect hugs, bear hugs, and again rubs to random dudes when she’s off on a visit?
So don’t do to her what you wouldn’t need achieved to you.
By the best way, though I do favor the tender contact of a feminine therapeutic massage therapist, I all the time select the ugly or actually previous ones if I would like some deep tissue work once I’m on the street.
3. Sleep
Typically you simply gotta get your ass to sleep. The later you keep at an after-party, the crazier it will get. The later you hang around on the bar or restaurant, the extra determined and aggressive the alternative intercourse acts. The later you keep awake in your resort room, the extra interesting free porn turns into.
With regards to each morality and productiveness, I dwell by the mentality that ‘extra good issues occur within the morning than within the night.’ Within the morning, you learn, pray, work, stretch, train, and drink espresso. Within the night, you eat, make small discuss, eat leisure, lounge round, or sit an excessive amount of—and infrequently, you drink alcohol.
So fall asleep, already.
Once more, it is simpler stated than achieved, proper?
Right here’s how I paint myself right into a nook: once I stroll into my resort room, even when there’s FOMO brewing in my mind to go hit one other social gathering or an interesting textual content on my cellphone from some hottie I met just a few hours earlier, I instantly implement good sleep hygiene ideas, particularly:
- Flip the temperature down as little as it goes.
- Put your cellphone and pc in evening mode and/or airplane mode.
- Pop your sleep cocktail of alternative (to not get all commercialized right here, however I do Kion Sleep + Factor Well being Max Power CBD + a whopping sledgehammer of Mitozen Melatonin).
- Play some actually stress-free sleep noise or a white noise sleep app.
- Get the room as darkish as potential, and I imply actually darkish.
- Pull on a sleep masks, curl up in mattress, and say your prayers.
Sure, I do know if I had been an actual powerful man and a extremely robust Christian, I ought to have the ability to withstand temptation via sheer prayer and a contact of willpower, with out inducing a near-comatose sleep state.
However I’m simply sharing what works for me.
4. Porn
You most likely raised an eyebrow at that one, proper?
No, I’m not endorsing that you simply whip out your bank card and whip down your pants whereas justifying to your self that a minimum of you’re not dishonest with an actual human. The nice of turning down analog intercourse doesn’t justify the ugliness of turning to digital intercourse.
I’m speaking about wifey-porn, guys.
You realize that “hidden” photograph function in your cellphone? It’s not only for storing a financial institution assertion picture or Bitcoin passphrase screenshots.
Think about politely asking your spouse to do a photograph shoot for you.
A very soiled one.
Inform her your favourite poses, positions, and fantasies, then let her go to city and textual content or Airdrop you every part. Be happy so as to add a bit extra to your partner’s spank financial institution arsenal once you’re making love together with her (tip: use a tripod should you don’t wish to kill the vibe by cradling your cellphone in a single hand and her within the different). In case your non secular or religious convictions make you query whether or not wifey porn is correct, check out the softcore poetry within the Bible’s Music of Solomon for some inspiration.
Then, the following time you’ve been on a street journey for just a few days and have blue balls, or it’s good to don’t have anything in your thoughts however her, open that hidden photograph folder and proceed to have a extremely, actually good time with your self.
And to not be painfully apparent, however should you use this technique, please don’t share your cellphone passcode together with your children. You do not need them attempting to erase these photos from their reminiscence whereas mother is making them breakfast within the kitchen.
P.S. Do share your cellphone passcode together with your spouse. She ought to be capable of see all of your texts, calls, browser historical past, and so on. at any time when she likes. That too will assist hold you behaving.
5. Train
Positive, your pure testosterone ranges when away out of your partner coupled together with your pent-up sexual vigor is usually a potent mixture to make you ultra-horny.
However that doesn’t imply that additional vitality must be directed in the direction of intercourse or jacking off. It additionally doesn’t imply it’s best to attempt to tie a rubber band round your testicles or seek out some form of libido-decreasing herb.
As a substitute, there’s nothing like a great exercise routine, particularly a soul-crushing, death-defying bout that leaves lactic acid bleeding out of your ears, to make you a bit extra calm and higher behaved afterward.
As a matter of truth, my exercise routine on the street is very devoted and actually laborious. I by no means skip a beat as a result of it serves as a cathartic rigidity launch—and from expertise, I can inform you that it significantly turns down the lust dial.
For instance, on a median street journey, I’ll alternate between:
- Push day (overhead press, bench press, push-up, squat, leg press, and so on.).
- Pull day (pull-up, pull-down, row, deadlift, and so on.).
- Core/cardio day (rowing machine, treadmill, bike, planks, leg raises, and so on.).
I like to recommend having an in depth plan like mine put collectively earlier than you even arrive at your closing vacation spot. Paired with making issues as frictionless as potential by having your exercise garments and footwear laid out for you subsequent to the mattress and a robust cup of espresso inside arm’s attain, you’ll be capable of direct a few of that “life pressure” in the direction of muscle-building as a substitute of home-wrecking.
6. Name-A-Pal
Typically, issues get actually powerful, and it appears like you’ll be able to’t deal with it alone with simply you and God. Typically, you want a buddy to step in and warn you earlier than you cost headfirst into catastrophe—form of like a rutting male elk, so pushed by intuition as a substitute of knowledge that he doesn’t notice he’s about to stroll straight right into a searching blind.
It’s these occasions for which you want a digital wingman from afar—a man buddy with whom you’ll be able to share your most embarrassing ideas and susceptible tendencies.
That is the buddy who you’ll be able to textual content or name everytime you want and who understands you and will get it once you name him at 11:18 pm on a Saturday evening sweating bullets since you virtually made a mistake that might value you half your belongings and no extra Christmas together with your in-laws.
You assume that’s too humiliating?
Look: all of us guys undergo the identical struggles that you simply do. The issue is, we simply don’t discuss about it with one another. However we’ve all thought and skilled the identical issues, besides possibly that Ned Flanders-esque buddy who looks as if he in some way left his libido in sixth grade.
Visitor Emeal Zwayne on The Dad Edge podcast eloquently described this concept of males being embarrassed to share their sexual struggles and temptations with different males. His guide, Battle Like A Man, goes into rather more depth on this subject than this temporary article and is value a learn, particularly should you want a extremely detailed, well-written handbook for private purity.
So, confide in a buddy. Be susceptible—whether or not it’s asking him to hope so that you can stop happening the slippery Instagram softcore-to-Web-porn-hardcore rabbit gap or to verify in on you each day till you’re again dwelling to ensure you keep trustworthy. Belief me, he’d need you to do the identical for him, and this type of uncooked, sincere, radical transparency is what deepens the bonds of male friendship.
7. Construct Legacy
This final tip is by far essentially the most highly effective for me.
Two years in the past, whereas in India, I used to be interviewed by entrepreneur Mukesh Bansal. The dialogue turned to anti-aging, longevity, and—as such discussions usually do—finally progressed into the thought of whether or not I assumed human immortality was attainable.
I stated “Sure.”
And I didn’t imply that I figured we’d finally decode cryopreservation of our brains and repeatedly implant them right into a recent new physique again and again, in perpetuity. Nor did I imply that I anticipate that someday quickly we may mainline designer medication into our bloodstream to show again the clock perpetually. Nor was I even referring to the immortality attained via Christian salvation.
As a substitute, I described how a person’s offspring permits that man’s ideas, philosophies, objectives, goals, and wishes to be carried out by subsequent generations who occur to bear his genes and final identify.
That is one cause legacy is so, so necessary within the Greenfield dwelling. We’ve got a household mission assertion, a household set of core values, a household brand, a household crest, and a household structure. Heck, we even have the Greenfield household flags flying proudly exterior the entrance door, the Greenfield household brand on the massive signal on the finish of the driveway, and Greenfield household pickleball paddles, pepper grinder, cup coasters, throw pillows, hoodies, and hats we put on for an evening out in town. Woven into our yearly traditions and day by day comings and goings is the sense that we’re a robust household unit with a shared perception and goal and that by working collectively as a cohesive pack we will really have an effect on long-term constructive change on the earth.
Perhaps because of this males who turn into fathers expertise a slight lower in testosterone. It’s as if now we have a built-in braking system on our pure propensity to sow our seeds far and large in order that we will as a substitute deal with offering for and defending our household—in order that we will, in a means, dwell on perpetually via our lineage.
Clearly, nonetheless, there’s nonetheless greater than sufficient testosterone within the common household man to make sexual sin a tormenting actuality. However when there’s an urge to cheat, to weaken the bonds of a spousal relationship with porn, to surrender and stroll away from household life as a result of it’s simply too complicated and difficult, or to fly free like your attractive inner chook typically desires to, there’s nothing like a robust sense of legacy to maintain your ft firmly grounded.
What do you select, and what appears extra interesting? The long-term reward of this type of “immortality” constructed via generational legacy…
…or the short-term pleasure of a thirty-second orgasm?
Don’t fret in case your kids are already youngsters, you don’t have a household structure, and goal and legacy don’t really feel like they’re a remotely important a part of your loved ones. In any case, one of the best time to plant a tree is twenty years in the past, or right this moment. If you wish to be taught extra about constructing generational wealth, take heed to my podcast interview with Wealthy Christiansen or learn my guide Boundless Parenting.
Abstract
OK, a fast evaluation right here.
First, pray. Pray loads once you journey, however have some brief prayers memorized for when the blood circulation appears to be getting directed away out of your mind and in the direction of your crotch.
Second, empathize. Put your self in her footwear.
Third, know learn how to induce your self right into a comatose-like sleep state.
Fourth, have your spouse provide you with some actually attractive pictures and movies of her, ideally express sufficient to go away nothing to your creativeness.
Fifth, train. Redirect vitality.
Sixth, have a wingman.
Seventh, and most significantly, construct the form of legacy that makes dishonest appear to pale compared to generation-building.
So there you might have it.
That’s how I don’t cheat once I journey.
After all, I’m not good. I’m no know-it-all. There are issues I don’t do but that I most likely ought to and issues I ignored of this text I most likely shouldn’t have.
So, what questions do you might have, and what ideas do you have for the blokes on the market who wish to keep trustworthy?
Moreover, listed here are just a few different nice sources you’ll be able to dig into on the subject on intercourse, intimacy, and connection:
- Better of Intimacy and Biohacking Intercourse: Optimize Libido, Orgasm Enhancement, Thrust In Time, Higher Erections Naturally, Breathwork & Extra.
- The right way to Enhance Your Intercourse Life: 12 Biohacks for Higher Orgasms, Sexual Well being & Intimacy
