Do you know that many meditator unintentionally use meditation for avoidance, to forestall themselves from dealing with ideas, feelings, or truths that they don’t wish to face? Sadly, this hardly ever helps and might certainly lead us to inadvertently self-sabotage. Nevertheless it’s okay. By the top of this text you’ll perceive what is going on and what to do about it.
What’s the hyperlink between meditation and avoidance?
Everyone knows what it’s prefer to keep away from issues we don’t wish to face. Heck I typically keep away from doing my taxes till the final minute. However for some individuals it turns into a lifestyle. We keep away from issues as a coping mechanism to cease us from experiencing ache, whether or not that be precise bodily ache like avoiding a medical process, or avoiding an emotional stress like not visiting your loved ones as a result of the final time you probably did you had a foul argument.
Avoidant conduct is okay every so often. Certainly, generally after we’ve been by way of a tough patch it’s higher to keep away from any extra stress as a result of we’re not prepared for it. When my father handed I averted emotional conditions for some time as a result of I used to be already at my restrict emotionally. At occasions like that, avoidance turns into a legitimate software for self safety. The problems come up whenever you begin doing it an excessive amount of, which might hurt our psychological well being. Certainly, analysis exhibits that extreme avoidance is linked to elevated anxiousness and despair (Borkovec et al., 2004).
So what does that must do with meditation?
When it comes all the way down to it, one of many largest motivators for all our actions is to forestall or relieve ache. As an example, let’s say we go to the physician, which after all we do to forestall or alleviate well being points, or we go to work on a regular basis to keep away from the ache of not having any cash. These pains are communicated to us by way of the thoughts by way of worry, stress, and anxiousness. We really feel the worry or the anxiousness of a potential drawback (being sick / not having cash), and the anxiousness prompts us to do one thing about it.
However what would occur if we turned actually good at shutting off these ache alerts with out really addressing the underlying points? What if we may merely select to not really feel the stress of economic insecurity with out taking any steps to earn cash? We would really feel superb within the second as a result of the anxiousness is gone, however we’d nonetheless be heading towards monetary bother. Basically, we’ve a) misplaced considered one of our largest motivators and b) stopped ourselves from taking essential actions to mitigate the chance. Sadly, this can be a potential draw back of meditation. Analysis means that mindfulness can unintentionally reinforce avoidant behaviors if practitioners bypass uncomfortable feelings as an alternative of processing them. At that time we begin utilizing meditation for escapism.
You’re too good at avoiding the unhealthy
Right here’s the loopy factor about it. Generally meditation makes us a little bit too good at avoiding painful feelings like worry and stress, and thereby reduces our urge to take actions to truly change the supply of these adverse feelings. So the place a non meditator would possibly really feel careworn about their well being and so go to the physician to alleviate the supply of the stress, the meditator has realized to tune-out the stress with out doing something.
There’s a really particular second in our meditation apply after we do that. Once we are doing Anapanasati (aware respiration) and Vipassana, we are saying to ourselves, “That is only a thought / That is only a feeling”, and in doing so we prepare the thoughts to not be affected by adverse feelings. Some meditators have performed this a lot that they’ve began to expertise dissociation.
Buddha really spoke about this within the Anapanasati Sutta, through which he trains monks to develop into conscious of how the thoughts clings to positives and avoids negatives and advocates balancing detachment and engagement. If you’re very self conscious throughout your meditations you’ll most likely discover that you just select to dissociate from adverse ideas and emotions greater than optimistic ones, and so that you’ve develop into expert at avoiding negatives.
An excessive amount of of a great factor
The flexibility to scale back the impression of adverse ideas and emotions is usually a great factor. Way more individuals expertise stress and anxiousness an excessive amount of fairly than too little. And in serving to us cut back these negatives, meditation improves our psychological well being and our high quality of life. And so we actually do wish to proceed meditating. However we don’t wish to get to the purpose the place we’re utilizing meditation to forestall us from experiencing any negatives in any respect, and we actually don’t need it to make us much less motivated to do the issues we have to do. The important thing, then, is to proceed to meditate but additionally be receptive to a little bit little bit of that stress and anxiousness, sufficient to assist us face actuality and to behave in vital methods. With that in thoughts, let’s now take a look at the right way to use meditation for engagement fairly than avoidance.
How To Cease Avoidant Habits
Listed below are my prime 5 methods to cease avoidant conduct with meditation.
1) Self Consciousness: The very first thing we meditators ought to do to get out of avoidance is to note our avoidance patterns. Be sincere with your self and take a look at the occasions if you end up utilizing avoidance, and the way it’s affecting you. One great way to do that is by journaling and asking your self if there’s something in your life that you’re not addressing.
2) Intentionally embrace uncomfortable ideas and emotions
In my on-line classes I do a selected meditation approach through which we meditate and embrace these much less snug ideas and emotions, studying to interact fairly than keep away from. It’a an actual sport changer. When you’d prefer to attempt it for your self, schedule a meditation lesson with me immediately.
3) Follow Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is the apply of absolutely acknowledging and accepting actuality as it’s, with out resistance or judgment, even when it’s painful or uncomfortable. Analysis from DBT exhibits that accepting actuality reduces avoidance and enhances problem-solving abilities (Linehan, 1993).
Rooted in mindfulness, Radical Acceptance entails letting go of the battle to vary issues past your management. As a substitute of suppressing or avoiding distressing feelings, you acknowledge and permit them to exist, creating area for readability and therapeutic. Radical acceptance doesn’t imply agreeing with or approving of what’s taking place; it means selecting to cease combating actuality. This mindset fosters emotional resilience, reduces struggling, and empowers you to reply to challenges with higher knowledge and compassion. This and different acceptance-based practices like mindfulness and DBT cut back avoidance behaviors and enhance emotional resilience (Hayes et al., 2006).
4) Attempt Inquiry-Primarily based Meditation
Inquiry-based meditation is a contemplative apply the place you give attention to open-ended questions like “What am I avoiding?” or “What is that this discomfort making an attempt to show me?” to discover your inside world. As a substitute of suppressing or ignoring troublesome feelings, it invitations curiosity and openness towards them. By sitting with these questions with out forcing solutions, you create area for insights to emerge naturally. This strategy immediately counters avoidance by encouraging you to confront and perceive the ideas or emotions you would possibly in any other case evade. It fosters self-awareness, emotional resilience, and the braveness to face uncomfortable truths, reworking avoidance into a possibility for progress.
5) Standard therapies for avoidant conduct
- Gradual Publicity: Face averted conditions or feelings in small, manageable steps to construct tolerance and cut back worry.
- Cognitive Restructuring: Problem and reframe adverse ideas that drive avoidance utilizing instruments from Cognitive Behavioral Remedy (CBT).
- Time Administration: Break duties into smaller, actionable steps to scale back overwhelm and procrastination.
- Help Techniques: Search assist from therapists, assist teams, or trusted pals to remain accountable.
- Self-Compassion: Deal with your self with kindness and understanding fairly than harsh criticism when addressing avoidance.
- Behavioral Activation: Substitute avoidant behaviors with optimistic, goal-directed actions.
- Downside-Fixing Abilities: Determine sensible options for conditions inflicting stress or avoidance.
- Remedy: Have interaction in therapeutic approaches like CBT, DBT, or Acceptance and Dedication Remedy (ACT) to deal with avoidance and different issued meditators face akin to DRDP / DDD
Abstract
It’s solely pure that we must always wish to keep away from ache, and a technique through which we are able to do that’s with meditation. Sadly, whenever you get too good at stopping ache you additionally cut back your must make vital adjustments in your life. That’s why avoidance can develop into an issue. When you’d like my assist studying to cease avoidance conduct and embrace a extra participating life, e-book a personal meditation lesson with me immediately.
Paul Harrison is a meditation trainer with 20+ years of expertise and a deep ardour for serving to others. Recognized for his empathy and genuine strategy, he’s devoted to guiding people and groups towards mindfulness, readability, and well-being.
